A Random Rant From @RellyOnSmash

 

First off, Irene, Hurricane Irene, FUCK YOU! It’s Friday and the power STILL isn’t on in my crib. Ever since you infiltrated my city, my life has been jam packed with nothing but torture and struggle. Not your ordinary struggle either, I’m talking raw, uncut, and unadulterated struggle. Do you know what pain is? Pain is having shrimp fried rice, and a bottle of water for dinner, next to a candle. Do you know how depressing it is, for a grown ass man to strike a match, and light a candle b? DO YOU?! It’s the loneliest shit ever. How about a flashlight with the batteries dying, being your only source of illumination, while you take a cold shower after work? I feel like a homeless nigga with a house key. It is beyond real out here, completely non-fictional. It’s almost impossible to stay awake in a house this dark. I’m the only one out of all my friends that drives a car with heated seats, I don’t deserve this shit. Well that’s enough of my agony tales. There’s a bunch of things going on out here that I need to touch on. Too many for me to narrow down with one topic, so this will be a no-holds barred, random rant. If you have a problem with anything I’m about to say, I do not wanna hear it if you wore a pair of denim shorts this summer.
Wednesday, August 31st, T.I. is released from prison. Thursday, September 1st, T.I. is back in federal custody. I was swimming in tears when I read this, I swear to you. This nigga T.I. wasn’t out of prison long enough to take his jacket off, and enjoy a full episode of Law & Order. The Racks On Racks remix wasn’t even half way finished, and he was back in custody. All because he wanted to ball out, and take a luxurious tour bus to his halfway house. They should’ve never gave you niggas freedom.
Lil’ Wayne’s out here at award shows, dancing around in Cruella Deville jeggings. That right there alone let me further know, that niggas with dreads will never be trusted. Wayne is the only person I ever seen play air guitar with a REAL guitar, on some real live Zach Morris, Saved By The Bell shit. And aside from that performance, let’s talk about these Carter IV sale projections. Sale projections come from how many units the artist sold on the first day the album was released. The original projection was 700k the first day, then I saw another report of 850k, and last night I saw 975k. This shit doesn’t even begin to add up. Out of all the sale projections for albums I ever seen, I never once saw the numbers jump up damn near 300k. This whole thing is HIGHLY suspect to me. Somebody is definitely out there purchasing all these albums, and I guarantee the culprit has a red starfish tattooed on his scalp, *Insert bird call here*.
Drake said Rick Ross’s next album compares to Doggystyle and Ready To Die. Now I fuck with Rick Ross, so that comparison didn’t even bother me. This direct quote from Mr. Bathwater did, “That God Forgives I Don’t; the only way I can describe it is like Doggystyle or Ready to Die or Clipse Lord Willin’ or any of the albums that I collected and held on to as a kid.” Ok, does anybody believe that Drake held on to the Ready To Die album as a kid? Doggystyle? The answers are hell and no. I’m not believing for one second that an early aged, tender Aubrey Graham, was listening to “Machine Gun Funk” or “Bitches Ain’t Shit”. At that age, I’ll bet cold hard cash that Drake wasn’t allowed to be within 20 feet of a parental advisory sticker.
When I see celebrities without verified checks, I automatically assume their car has cloth interior. Either that or they’re behind on child support. If I seen you in HD on my flatscreen, and you don’t even have a verified check on your twitter account, I want an apology when I see you. If twitter ever fucked up and gave me a verified check, all absolute hell would break loose. Niggas think I’m Hollywood now, wait till that baby blue check is next to my name. I’m not even signaling when I switch lanes anymore, just gonna cut off cars with the utmost swag.
Is it just me or do all girls from the Bronx dress like they have mixtapes coming out? I don’t know what it is, but I can’t walk past any of them without the fear of a demo being slipped inside the back of my Levis.
The comment section in last week’s blog looked like Pearl Harbor. Shit was a light skinned girls vs dark skinned girls steel cage match. Look, you can’t let somebody’s personal preference get you upset. It’s their PERSONAL preference. Every dude doesn’t like light skinned chicks, just like every dude doesn’t like dark skinned chicks. How can you possibly be mad at what another person is attracted to? I don’t get it, maybe if Shyne didn’t spit that verse on the Carter IV, you’d all be thinking clearly.
Ladies, NBA 2k12 drops next month, let your man be free for at least 2 weeks after the release date. That means 14 days of no nagging, no complaining, and no asking about the bitches he retweets. If you see your man on Facebook, commenting on a chick’s photo that you don’t like, Let. That. Shit. Slide. No man needs that type of stress while he’s working on his My Player’s NBA career. It’s just not fair.
Aight, I think that’s about enough of my random antics. Those are just a few things I had to get off my pectorals b. And if my power isn’t back on by tomorrow, don’t be surprised to read about me catching a body. It’s only so long a nigga can get dressed in the dark before he totally snaps. I’m outta here, y’all be cool how y’all be cool.
Oh, and remember, if she’s not afraid to take her shoes off in the club she’s not afraid to poke holes in your condom……#FACT
Sincerely
RellyOnSmash